Sepertinya ada yg tersisa dari pertemuan kita… yang sejujurnya membuat aku semakin sadar kalau aku semakin hanyut dalam segala hal tentang mu; betapa aku ingin menjadi alasan untuk senyum dan lena tidur mu. Tapi… memangnya ‘kau’ tu siapa? ‘Kau’ yang tidak pernah lelah menyembuh aku yang sering saja luka, atau ‘kau’ yang mengajarku bahwa cinta adalah tentang menerima segala yang tidak pernah ada?
For many years now I’ve been getting by on 4-5 hours of sleep but for the past couple of months I’ve been stressing out and just slept a couple of hours at a time… my body temperature has been fluctuating since a couple of days ago but I wasn’t too bothered by it cos it hasn’t been fckng up my days or productivity at work. Yesterday after a pleasant trek through a couple of hilly trails though… my blood pressure dropped to 70/50 and by noon I came down with a high fever and started vomiting – so much that my throat started bleeding. I had no energy left so my brother carted me off to our family doctor, who suspected that I contracted some sort of virus and that I’ve not rested enough. Haha this one really stung cos my head’s heavy, I’m dehydrated and I can’t keep my solids down so now I’m only eating bland rice porridge ugh. The temptation is strong for a vegan burger or pizza but it’ll be such …
I don’t know how to say it accurately so that my meaning is clear, but I’m sort of sucked into Doe Paoro’s hypothetical cosmics – not by force, but rather willingly – and I never want to get out of it… everything I’ve ever dreamed of living summed in under 4:22 minutes. Whoa. “Hypotheticals” by Doe Paoro from the album ‘After,’ available now on iTunes, or better yet cop the CD or vinyl.
The chorus made my bones shiver cause this isn’t so distant from “home” – words that are seemingly simple, yet drip with real pain, loss and longing.
Words fail me… I just feel like transforming into someone new and I can never go back to my “old self” if I was ever an actual “someone.”