All posts filed under: Diary

Surat Cinta, 160117

Sepertinya ada yg tersisa dari pertemuan kita… yang sejujurnya membuat aku semakin sadar kalau aku semakin hanyut dalam segala hal tentang mu; betapa aku ingin menjadi alasan untuk senyum dan lena tidur mu. Tapi… memangnya ‘kau’ tu siapa? ‘Kau’ yang tidak pernah lelah menyembuh aku yang sering saja luka, atau ‘kau’ yang mengajarku bahwa cinta adalah tentang menerima segala yang tidak pernah ada?

A Bad Case of Gastroenteritis

For many years now I’ve been getting by on 4-5 hours of sleep but for the past couple of months I’ve been stressing out and just slept a couple of hours at a time… my body temperature has been fluctuating since a couple of days ago but I wasn’t too bothered by it cos it hasn’t been fckng up my days or productivity at work. Yesterday after a pleasant trek through a couple of hilly trails though… my blood pressure dropped to 70/50 and by noon I came down with a high fever and started vomiting – so much that my throat started bleeding. I had no energy left so my brother carted me off to our family doctor, who suspected that I contracted some sort of virus and that I’ve not rested enough. Haha this one really stung cos my head’s heavy, I’m dehydrated and I can’t keep my solids down so now I’m only eating bland rice porridge ugh. The temptation is strong for a vegan burger or pizza but it’ll be such …

Music: ‘Hypotheticals’ by Doe Paoro

  I don’t know how to say it accurately so that my meaning is clear, but I’m sort of sucked into Doe Paoro’s hypothetical cosmics – not by force, but rather willingly – and I never want to get out of it… everything I’ve ever dreamed of living summed in under 4:22 minutes. Whoa. “Hypotheticals” by Doe Paoro from the album ‘After,’ available now on iTunes, or better yet cop the CD or vinyl.

I Tried My Best to Love You But I Must First Learn to Love Myself

Today has been tiring but interesting and I think I’m ready for it to be 2016 / I’ve cried so much and slept so little in the past few weeks / Haven’t done nearly as much reading as I thought I would in my downtime but I did read somewhere once that “If you get to sleep beside the person you love every night you are one lucky fuck” but I feel like I no longer have the capacity to make this person happy or contented / I got so upset today so I took a quick cold shower, fed my cats and went back to sleep / My heart’s heavy and light, I hate everything right now and I would like not to exist for a while please / I miss the ocean… I feel like spending most of days off in the park but I haven’t been able to do cos all I’ve done’s crying / I made a new “friend” who seems to be down for weird / wild adventures and with …