For many years now I’ve been getting by on 4-5 hours of sleep but for the past couple of months I’ve been stressing out and just slept a couple of hours at a time… my body temperature has been fluctuating since a couple of days ago but I wasn’t too bothered by it cos it hasn’t been fckng up my days or productivity at work. Yesterday after a pleasant trek through a couple of hilly trails though… my blood pressure dropped to 70/50 and by noon I came down with a high fever and started vomiting – so much that my throat started bleeding. I had no energy left so my brother carted me off to our family doctor, who suspected that I contracted some sort of virus and that I’ve not rested enough. Haha this one really stung cos my head’s heavy, I’m dehydrated and I can’t keep my solids down so now I’m only eating bland rice porridge ugh. The temptation is strong for a vegan burger or pizza but it’ll be such …
Today has been tiring but interesting and I think I’m ready for it to be 2016 / I’ve cried so much and slept so little in the past few weeks / Haven’t done nearly as much reading as I thought I would in my downtime but I did read somewhere once that “If you get to sleep beside the person you love every night you are one lucky fuck” but I feel like I no longer have the capacity to make this person happy or contented / I got so upset today so I took a quick cold shower, fed my cats and went back to sleep / My heart’s heavy and light, I hate everything right now and I would like not to exist for a while please / I miss the ocean… I feel like spending most of days off in the park but I haven’t been able to do cos all I’ve done’s crying / I made a new “friend” who seems to be down for weird / wild adventures and with …
I’ve become well acquainted with the wry and wonderful “What ifs…” in the past couple of months.
Sometimes people we really love will really disappoint us… I am trying to not be that person.
I am now, more than I’ve ever been, looking to put this small but horrendous chapter in my life behind me as I instead look forward to the future.
Trust must be earned… it’s transactional, boss. You got some, I got some.
Empati perlu dipupuk, bukan disogok dengan wang ringgit.
“Hi. It’s me. I haven’t heard from you in so long… where in the world are you now? What time is it there?” Suddenly I remembered why we broke up, and why I had adored him in the first place; these reasons are one in the same. I remember how wonderful it felt the first time, how time stood still and nothing was ever so singular it wasn’t worth fleshing out or adding to… but I’m not sorry it’s over. I’m not sorry I met you yesterday, and I’m not sorry we’ve got nothing else to say… other than memories from the night everything changed and turned gray.
Slow sundaze planting some more of my favorite veggies; sweet pea, french beans, white radish, turnip, red spinach and lada padi. Recently I also planted white radish seeds I got from the local supermarket – I didn’t plan to but why not, right? Later when I got home I started reading more about the mild-flavored winter radish and found that they are arguably one of the easiest vegetables to grow… so stoked to harvest my radishes once they mature! Meanwhile, I gotta get me some more soil an repot ’em real soon and plant some more green goodies. My late grandma and mom introduced me to the healing powers of aloe vera when I was kid. I haven’t taken any manufactured drugs for a while now and so far lavender and aloe vera have been an absolute wonder healing all minor cuts and insect bites. Apart from radishes, aloe vera is also so easy to care for! Mints, on the other hand… This is my first time planting sweet peas, and I feel like maybe I’m …
Feeling super accomplished tonight as an adult cos I chose sleep over house party… tomorrow’s gonna be an all killer, no filler day; heavy lifting, carpentry werk, video directing, and writing project proposals. Selamat tidur!